Learning from Rejection & Failure

My attitude towards rejection & failure.

I am scared to fail. I still struggle with the idea of failure, but I'm getting better. Want to know something ridiculous about me which illustrates how stubborn and scared I am about failure?

Left, my cousin Amberlee, Right, me.
Due to my intense fear of learning to ride a bike,  my parents purchased me this motorized vehicle. As a child, I feared falling off of a bicycle and decided to walk everywhere instead because I knew I succeeded in walking, but feared I would fail if I tried something different.

When I was little, I never learned how to ride a bike because I was too scared of failure and falling. I thought, why take the risk if I could just walk? I don't need a bike. My parents tried to get me interested in learning to ride a bike. I remember one Christmas, my parents gave me a pink bike as my main present. Selfishly, I remember the confusion I felt knowing that my parents had gotten me a nice bike that I didn't have the courage and would never have the courage to learn how to ride.

Whether or not we want to admit it, we all have some slight fear or rejection and failure. Those who are not afraid of rejection and failure have either become numb to it, or have experienced enough failure to know that they can handle it.

I have been rejected a lot throughout my life, by friends, family members, employers, and just people in general. I have struggled with the fear of rejection for most of my life. Often, I have dreams of being betrayed, lied to, rejected, or taken advantage of. However, through all of my rejections, it has lead to the person who I am today, me.

What you need to remember.

These five thoughts do not necessarily apply to everyone, however I think there is something that can be learned from each of them. 

1. Failure is defined by you. It is important to evaluate your personal definition of failure. If you redefine failure, you will achieve a higher level of self understanding.

2. Rejection is not a choice. You are not and cannot be held responsible for someone else's thoughts. You do not choose to be rejected. You cannot make choices for others. People are going to think what they want to think, and will do what they want to do.

3. Don't throw your pearls before the swine. I love this quote, this also ties into number two. Don't waste your efforts trying to be someone you're not to win the affection of others. The best thing you can do is to take time "throwing your pearls," where someone values them. Surround yourself with people who value you and understand your worth. 

4. The more you fail, the more you will succeed. Think back to number one, what do you define as failure? You also need to consider that each time you fail, you are one step closer to success, because if you fail that means you're trying. You have to make an effort before you can reap the rewards.

5. Be practical with your expectations set for yourself. Set goals that are attainable for yourself. Impractical goal setting leads to failure and unrealistic expectations. Take it slow, one step at a time. Keep it simple. It's good to have a dream, however every dream needs groundwork to make it a reality.

The impact from a changed perspective. Which mindset do you have? 

This section quoted from Robert Sternberg.

Simon Cowell is a great example. He
would be considered to have a fixed
mindset. 

Fixed Mindset. "In a fixed mindset, people believe their basic qualities, like their intelligence or talent, are simply fixed traits. They spend their time documenting their intelligence or talent instead of developing them. They also believe that talent alone creates success—without effort. They’re wrong." 

"People with a fixed mindset believe that their traits are just givens. They have a certain amount of brains and talent and nothing can change that. If they have a lot, they’re all set, but if they don’t... So people in this mindset worry about their traits and how adequate they are. They have something to prove to themselves and others."

This is a photo of me when I was a toddler,
According to the study, we are all born with
a growth mindset and as we grow, society
changes our mindset to a fixed mindset.

Growth Mindset. "In a growth mindset, people believe that their most basic abilities can be developed through dedication and hard work—brains and talent are just the starting point. This view creates a love of learning and a resilience that is essential for great accomplishment. Virtually all great people have had these qualities."

"People with a growth mindset, on the other hand, see their qualities as things that can be developed through their dedication and effort. Sure they’re happy if they’re brainy or talented, but that’s just the starting point. They understand that no one has ever accomplished great things—not Mozart, Darwin, or Michael Jordan—without years of passionate practice and learning."

One minute video comparing fixed and growth mindsets.

Which way will you choose to think?

• When someone breaks up with you, will you think that there is something wrong with you or that there is something to be learned. 
• When you fail a test, will you think I'm not smart and of no value, or that you will learn from your mistakes and celebrate your small successes.
• When you are not selected for a job, will you think that you are of no good and no one wants you or will you think that you learned from the application process and there is something better out there for you.
• When a friend betrays you, will you think that you can never forgive them and that they hurt you, or will you think about the all that you've learned from your friendship and treat your next friendship differently or change how you select friends.

If the choice is yours, choose today.

Don't let your rejections and failures rule your life and your happiness. Let your rejections and failures shape your character, continue to move forward with a smile, and most importantly remember that you are not alone. If you reach out to others you will come to a realization that rejection and failure is part of the human experience of life. Find ways to enjoy your journey.




Emily Nicoline is a Junior Public Relations Utah Valley University. She is 22 years old and has lived in Wichita, KS, Albuquerque, New Mexico, and currently resides in Provo, Utah. Emily has been working in the communications industry since she was 17 and has proven capable to do whatever it takes to continue to learn, grow, and experience new opportunities. Her blog is not perfect, it's human. If you would like her portfolio or have further questions, please email her at Emilynicolne@gmail.com